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So Young, So Dumb


I've been on the job with a large metro department for about three years. I love working the toughest part of town and have made some great friends brothers and sisters in the time I've been on. One of these brothers is 10 years younger than me but has been on the job for four years. He s a great cop. He finds high-quality arrests and hooks up some real turds. It s how he does it that s the problem.

My brother won't call out traffic stops. He ll search houses without cover, and he won't wait for cover on calls. The guy has gotten into mile-long foot chases without calling them out! The only time this brother gets on the radio is when the you-know-what has hit the fan.

I've talked to him about it and let him know how he could get hurt, or worse. I've even explained how his actions jeopardize everyone else s welfare on the shift when we cover him, but the guy just won't listen.

This job is dangerous enough. There's no need to add risk. This guy's not only my co-worker, but also my friend. I want to spend my later years drinking beers and telling war stories with him, not about him.

–Concerned for a Brother

Dear Concerned: Your brother is not a great cop; he's a huge idiot! Great cops don't add extra danger to themselves or to other cops or the public as a way to feed their egos. This chump has serious maturity issues, and he's putting a lot of people at risk because of them. Let's take this one step at a time.

You said he arrests a lot of turds. I have news for you: We all arrest a lot of turds. You mix big city with bad part of town and pretty much all any cop needs to do is hold their hand out the window and some serious turd is gonna jump into the backseat. Don't let that be his excuse. Every time some other cop praises this wing nut for making an arrest the way you described, you should jump down both of their throats. All that praise is feeding his oversized ego and telling his immature little salt-covered butt that he s doing something right.

Any cop worth the grease on their gun has made a few tactical errors and put themselves in a few tight spots trying to get a good hook. That's not the point. The point is that your friend is doing it on a regular basis because he s too young and too dumb to realize the error of his ways. I ll tell you right now that if Ol Bullethead is the bad guy and your jackass friend is searching the house I m hiding in, I ll take his egotistical butt out with a Nerf ball and toothpick. Think I m kidding? Hah, try me. I ll even use one of those nice cinnamon toothpicks to add some flavor to his corpse.The bottom line:You can t search a house alone. Anyone who does is a moron and probably doesn t have the right temperament for this job.

Wait, I hear you already talking smack about my ability and my prognosis for your friend. Let the following scenario convince you how wrong you both are.

Let s set it up: He goes looking for a clown with a warrant. The guy sees him coming and gets set up. Ego boy gets a few shots off, but he misses because he s playing catch up. His rounds go through the wall and kill the three-year-old kid sleeping in the next house. Ego moron goes down and is hurt bad, but he isn t dead. He asks for the world over the radio, and the world starts rolling. When something like that goes out, you ll probably get at least a hundred cars moving faster than the bolt on an AR. One of those coppers is driving a bit over their ability, and now you have another cop down plus a mini-van with a soccer mom and her kids. Now ego boy s hurt badly, and although he s still in the fight, he s bleeding out quickly. You have about five minutes to get him help, so the rescue starts. Meanwhile, the bad guy figures it s all over so he might as well take a few more cops with him. With no time to wait for the tactical team, you and the other patrol dogs mount up and head in. Now you re moving on an armed man in a fortified position in his own house. Some more good guys are going to get shot.

None of this was necessary. That s way too much risk for one immature idiot to cause. Your orders are clear: You must stop this chump, or find a supervisor who will.


Got a question or complaint? Let Bullethead hear about it. He'll give you his opinion WITH BOTH BARRELS. Contact him via e-mail at or fax him at 619/699-6246.

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